Nooly finished

Ha ha, I have a gate now.



See my gate.
See my gate close.
Close, gate, close.

At last, the dog and the kids can run free.



We've been taking him for a 1-2 mile walk every morning and night, and I've seen his behavior change pretty drastically for the better. He's calmer inside, less mouthy withy the kids. Now with this yard for playing in I think he should get all the exercise he needs.

The New One

After the untimely death of my sweet poodle Tango a few weeks ago, we decided to get another dog. In this neighborhood, it's really important to have an early warning system. We went to the pound, looking for a 20-30 pound heeler or heeler mix. We came home with Bender.


Fifty five pounds and still growing, the sign on his kennel said Red Heeler-German Shepherd mix. Before they put our paperwork in, they sat us down with a pet counselor and warned us about him. He'd been in the shelter since May, and had been adopted out a few times. He'd been returned the day before for tearing the siding off the people's house, breaking apart a window sill and eating the fence.
"He's a little destructive." The counselor said.
We wanted a high-energy dog, though, one with an intimidating bark but a sweet personality, and Bender was perfect. Since he's come to live with us I've kept him within five feet of me at all times using his leash as an umbilical cord. It was a little rough at first; like living with a pony attatched to your hip. Also, he doesn't get any food unless it's from somebody's hand. I hope this will help him triangulate his place in the pack (Rock bottom, right above the roaches).



The first two days were rough; anything within reach was a chew toy, whether it was a stuffed animal, a shoe, or the carpet. I think alot of it was just nervousness. I bought him some "extra-durable" doggie tennis balls to keep him busy. Yeah, the first one lasted seven seconds, the second one just under three. He's got a serious bite on him.



We ended up getting him a Kong Ball, bigger than my fist and hard enough to withstand a nuclear explosion, and a giant 'knuckle' bone that looks like they took it off the Rancor. It's his favorite thing to chew on, apart from anything the baby's holding. This seems to have taken
care of his chewing needs.



He's a good dog, very imposing when he's not grinning like a dork. The Aunt said his eyes look evil. He doesn't bark much, he prefers to stare unnervingly at people who walk by.

I drank a pot of coffee last night after the kids went to bed and came up with this:



I also made one for the baby, but she's sleeping right now, so I can't have her model.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Well, it finally happened. I got a call from a bill collector this morning. I won't say I don't deserve it; my checking account is way overdrawn. But the officious, vindictive attitude of the pedantic cow who called really pushed my buttons. I mean, I've been overdrawn before...And paid for it, at $34 a pop. Considering that, generally, they assess charges on expenditures of 5 dollars or less, I would think they'd be grateful. But now I owe over $200 in bank fees alone, and they want to get all persnickety and anal retentive. Helloooo, you've always gotten your money in the past! Why would I stop paying now?

Anyway, she pretty much demanded immediate payment...I pointed out to her that if I was hoarding money in my mattress, I probably wouldn't be overdrawn in the first place. So we spent twenty minutes going back and forth. She says pay, I say I have nothing, rinse & repeat. Finally I told her that the tooth fairy was going to bring me the money, and I'd have it in the bank by her predetermined date.

It was about then that I realized that I am pretty much officially dead to myself. I kind of always knew I'd be a charity case, but it's gone too far now. Too many bad choices...If I start now, maybe I can die of cirrhosis and avoid living as a bagwoman when I'm fifty. I remember when I was a kid I was always borrowing money...I never saved, never tried to say no to myself. It's pretty much the same now, just bigger amounts. The more money you owe, the less of a person you are. Even if you owe it to people who love you so much they don't even keep track.

Recipe for Happiness

6 large-ish jalapeno peppers
12 slices of bacon
1 package of cream cheese
toothpicks

Halve peppers and scrape out the insides; discard. fill each half with cream cheese. Starting at the stem end, wind one piece of bacon around each pepper; toothpick in place.
Sear in a hot pan until crispy.
Devour messily, moaning with culinary euphoria.

N.O.O. Happenings!

So, it's been a busy week. The back of the fence is finally finished, with a gate'n everything. We're getting the locks on Thursday. Doesn't it look beautiful? It really makes you realize what a big yard we have.

Now we just have to get the side fenced in and it's DONE. Huzzah, etc. Maybe this weekend, if we're lucky.
We skipped church on Sunday and went to Six Flags for the MIL's company picnic. The kids had a great time...They've never been to an amusement park before, so they just about wore themselves out.
Even the baby enjoyed hanging out in her little rickshaw.

The kid's favorite ride was the imitation autobahn. Of course I got stuck with the one that can't see over the dashboard.


The oldest got her own car, of course.


Mr. Legs and his brother decided to ride some of the bigger, vomit-inducing rides.

They asked me if I wanted to go, but why bother? Any time I want to whirl around at ludicrous speed and fear for my life, I can just let Mr. Legs drive.

We found these beautiful, unusual flowers sprouting near the fence.

The FIL tells us that they are called Spider Lilies, and that they used to grow all around the fence in the now defunct flower beds. The flowers lasted about three seconds after the kids saw them, so we dug up the bulbs and we'll plant them in a more prominent place soon.

Yard; interupted.

After two weeks of grueling labor, most of which involved carrying sweet tea out to the guys clearing the yard, I have 2/3 of a fence and a yard I can walk through without being attacked by giant tetanus globules.
This


has been replaced with this:



Six feet of pedophile-repelling, rabid dog-discouraging soft pine. It makes me so very happy. Of course, I'd be even happier if there was a back to it. Right now, it opens into the jungle-like crack alley that runs behind my house. But we hope to have the rest of the fence soon.
This...

Has been cleared out, adding a nice view into the backyard from the bathroom, which is a good thing, because I don't put books in there.

I'm pretty sure this is where the skunks live.


We've actually made alot of progress, thanks mostly to Mr. Legs and his assorted family members. It's coming along nicely.
The best part about the inside so far is The Blogging Hole.



The lamp has been reassigned from it's previous functions as a Torchiere and a candle holder. The mirror gives it that perky Inquisition flavor.

The Inquisition (What a show!)
The Inquisition (Here we go!)
We have a mission to convert the Jews (Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew!)


Speakin of Mel Brooks, I watched Blazing Saddle the other night. I wish Madeline Kahn were still alive...