I'm feeling moody and depressed right now. It has been uniformly overcast these past few day; overcast, sticky and hot. None of the movies I want to watch are on TV. I have reached the end of the internet and it no longer interests me. I always tell Mr. Legs "never feel trapped; you always have options." but I don't know if it's true anymore. The kids are screaming at each other in their bedrooms.
I had a little sleep this afternoon and woke up totally disoriented; It was one of those unremarkable, reality-based dreams that don't seem like dreams. It took me a minute to realize where I was. Fiesta is going on right now. Maria was so excited about the whole thing and I promised her I'd take her somewhere fun like the carnival or something, but I will not be able to.
This whole job thing makes everything look terrible. I wish I knew how to cheer him up about it.
Regret is choking me.
2 comments:
I'm back, and addicted again in two seconds to your wonderful blog. Even when it makes me want to drop everything and go AWOL to come and give you a hug. I don't know what kind of crap you're having to go though exactly (but you know my number if you need it) but I want to tell you unequivocally, without any hesitation at all, that your life is NOT meaningless. I know I thought about you every day in the desert (especially when I was on the computer, usually cussing at whomever made the (tactically correct but bloody annoying) decision to disallow blog pages on military computers) and even the thought of you, curled up in the chair with camera plugged in and cup of coffee in hand, madly typing away at whatever, made me smile and may in fact have saved a young airman's liver from beinf pulled out through his nose. You did that! (Seriously, you did. I was ready to kill the idiot.)
I love you, and I know you are more important than words can convey to your family, both there and here. I wish I had a magic wand to just wave and make evything better. I would give much to see you happy and taken-care-of. You were my best friend (even though I didn't know it at the time) though so much crap when we were younger, and I grieve for you when you're down. Is there anything I can do?
I love you.
Sister
(P.S. What you wore to my wedding is fine - it went perfectly with the whole casual, thrown-together look I had going on. No recriminations, please.)
Roight, so I've tried to call you like four times now and my phone still doesn't like your phone. I sowwy. But demandings for more postings must be made! Demand!
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